Jack Burton! Who?

Kath outed me as a blogger. I think it is what the courts refer to as entrapment. First she tells me she has a blog and sends me the website, then she challenges me to start a blog, and then she pulls my blog (in beta, no less) out from the deepest corner of my online closet for all the world to see. I think it is the equivalent of giving me the drugs, administering the drugs, and then telling everyone I'm a junkie.

That being the case, after Sunday it seems I owe everyone a bit of an explanation. The original address for this blog (www.jacksmallzburton.blogspot.com) seemed to cause a bit of confusion, though I felt justified when Mike understood the reference. He is, after all, to blame. Jacksmallzburton is my online moniker. It is a combination of the names of my two favorite fictional characters: Jack Burton, the hero from the cult classic, Big Trouble in Little China, and me.

Mike is the one who introduced me to Big Trouble in Little China. Made in the mid-80s, it is about a group of Chinese martial-art magicians in San Francisco about to conquer the world and the lone, independent trucker (Jack Burton, played by Kurt Russell) who gets in their way. To help those not as culturally attuned as myself develop an appreciation for this film and its masterful dialogue, I will be posting several of my favorite quotes from the film on this same blog (there is a phrase I never thought I would say).

Smallz (pronounced 'smallz') is a nickname I picked up on my mission in the infamous Fitzgerald district. Yes, we did in fact have t-shirts and everything. The name has evolved into my virtual id for playing video games and in the world of Battlefront has gained quite the reputation.

This is Jack Burton in the Pork Chop Express and I'm talkin' to whoever's listenin' out there...

• Like I told my last wife, I said, "Honey, I never drive faster than I can see, and besides that, it's all in the reflexes."
• When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."
• Is this gonna get ugly now? I hope not. Because I thought what we were here, racial differences notwithstanding, was just a couple of old buddies. You know, both of us Californians...
• I'm gonna tell you about my truck, and I DON'T wanna hear "act of God!"
• Okay, you people! Sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. If we're not back by dawn, call the president.
• Shut up Mr Burton! You were not brought upon this world to "get it!"
• Hey, I'm a reasonable guy. But I've just experienced some very unreasonable things.
• Everybody relax; I'm here.
• I took something. I can see things other men can't see. Why are you dressed like that?
• You know what Jack Burton always says at a time like this? Jack Burton says, what the hell?
• Just remember what ol' Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says, "Give me your best shot. I can take it."

mw