After the pillow fight

I think I won. At this point, I think that is a good thing.
mw

Updated townhome in Bountiful, Utah

The for sale sign went up last night. Anybody want to buy a townhome?

mw

What I Have Learned From Playing Video Games

Neesha journeyed to the land of her fathers last weekend. Actually, it was Idaho Falls to visit her grandparents, but "land of her fathers" sounds more exotic. Not that Idaho Falls doesn't sound exotic and exciting, of course, it's just a different kind of excitement. Anyway, that Saturday night Ryan came over and we frittered the hours away chasing Wookies and dodging snipers on Star Wars: Battlefront II on the Xbox. It was a fun way for two brothers to spend an evening.

Many people feel video games are a waste of time and should be played at a minimum, if at all. Just because I agree with them doesn't mean I'm not going to argue the point. To that end, I want to share with you some of the valuable lessons I have learned from my time wielding a controller. As an editorial note, this list ignores the obvious lessons, such as knowing exactly what to do if the Earth ever falls under intergalactic assault from the Covenant or the Empire.

1. Asking questions only leads to poorly-scripted dialogue with someone you are likely to shoot anyway. Shoot first and save time for both of you.
2. Scantily clad women have just as much protection against bullets, swords, and explosions as heavily armored men.
3. If you get stuck and don’t know what to do next, start throwing grenades.
4. Point totals are a lousy way to keep score.
5. Flowers make you spit fire, stars make you invincible, and mushrooms make you grow large.
6. Facing 50-to-1 odds only means you should switch to full automatic.
7. You will never encounter a problem that can’t be solved with a better weapon.
8. Princesses have a thing for pudgy Italian plumbers, and big turtles have a thing for princesses.
9. Zombies like to eat innocent humans, which is okay. They also like to eat you, which is not.
10. When in doubt, shoot it, kick it, or blow it up.
11. 300-meter headshots never get old.
12. Shotguns and sticks of dynamite are useful. But when you are stuck on the wrong side of a dead-end alley with 100 flesh-eating zombies between you and that bright ray of hope called the next level, only two words should hold any meaning for you: “chain – saw.”
13. The terms “ally” and “follower” are euphemisms for cannon fodder.
14. If you see a shadowy shape in the distance and it doesn’t look human, shoot it. In fact, even if it does look human, shoot it anyway and you should be well on your way.
15. Inverted controls are superior. Just remember, “To go up, you must push down.”
16. Women in video games have no comprehension of the term, “A-cup.”
17. You can predict what is coming next in life by listening to the music. Cheerful music means you can get a drink and use the restroom. Ominous music means you should reload. No music means you should repent. Listen to the music.
18. Sam Fisher is the only white man as bad as Mr. Samuel L. Jackson.
19. “All your base are belong to us.”
20. Never underestimate the power of a well-thrown turtle shell or newspaper.
21. Up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A-start.

mw
(no, Neesha had no hand in this one and she would like to make that point very clear to any and all who may read this)

"You Take Your Head Off One More Time, and I'll Take it Away From You"

Caleb wanted to play outside this afternoon. Being the good father that I am, I insisted that he put on his shoes or his sandals before doing so. Once that was finished, we had the following conversation.

Caleb: No jacket.
Me: Nope, you don't need to wear a jacket. It's warm outside, today.
Caleb: No coat.
Me: You don't have to wear a coat, either.
Caleb: Shirt, on.
Me: Yes, you do need to wear your shirt.
Caleb: Pants, on.
Me: Uh huh, pants too.
Caleb: Head, on.
Me (and Neesha who overheard the entire thing): *laughing uncontrollably as he walked out the door wearing his shirt and pants with his hands on top of his head*

m&n

Tom Cruise, Eat Your Heart Out

The other morning, Caleb's diaper erupted and required immediate changing. Since Neesha only had a few things left to do before taking him upstairs for a bath, she quickly changed the diaper but didn't put him in anything else before turning him loose in the family room. A few minutes passed, and The Boy managed to put on his shoes, grab his sunglasses and start dancing in the entryway.



mw

A Bit of Housekeeping...er...Blogkeeping

So we've been remiss in our duty with regard to blogging. Actually, having said that, a little voice inside my head is correcting me that I've been remiss. On a tangential note, I've found that voices in the heads have incurred an unfair social stigma. Sure, some of them seem to demonstrate socio-pathic tendencies, but I prefer to think of them as being misunderstood. I held a charity walk last weekend while Neesha was in Idaho to heighten social awareness of these long-marginalized members of our society. Unfortunately, I was the only one to show up, so it was just the six of us. I remain convinced our numbers will grow.

But we digress. Anyway, between social events, conference weekends, trips to Idaho, finishing old jobs, starting new jobs, trying to get the townhome ready to sell, and church meetings on Friday at 6:00 pm (among other nights), we've been a bit busy. Our goal is to catch up before the end of the weekend.

m&n (+1, +1, +1...)

Interesting Business Model

mw

On the source of noise

The Boy: Wheeeew. Wheeeew. Wheeeeew. (making siren noises while playing with his cars)
Me: Is that your police car?
The Boy: Noisy car.
Me: Noisy car, huh?

*he nods*

Me: I think it's more of a noisy Caleb.
The Boy: AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

mw