Only his not-quite-three-year-old cuteness saves him

While getting ready to go to the Ute basketball game this afternoon:

Me: Caleb, grab your shoes.
The Boy: blah, blah, blah, blah...
Me: Caleb, we need to put on your shoes.
The Boy: blah, blah, blah, blah...
Me: Your shoes, son. So we can go to the game.
The Boy: blah, blah, blah, blah...
Me: Caleb...
The Boy: Lady, I don't got no socks.

mw

For those who have lost their manual...

While eating his oatmeal...

Caleb: Yawns and stretches are for naps and nuh-night. First you yawn, and then you stretch. Yep. That's what you do with yawns and stretches.

Review: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

How anyone ever thought there was more than one movie worth of material to The Mummy concept, I'll never know. And yet, last Friday, Neesha and I watched The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. On the other hand, the movie grossed $200 million, which is more than I make in a year, so what do I know?

The film begins in 1946, 13 years after The Mummy Returns. The plot is familiar. There's an ancient curse, a counter-curse, a sarcophagus holding secrets, an evil Emperor frozen in time with his terracotta army, and a snake-wrapped diamond that will awaken said Emperor to overrun and oppress the world. I'm making an assumption on the last statement. The reason the Emperor was considered a plague worthy to be destroyed by Rick O'Connell was never stated all that clearly, but tyrannical dominion is a common ploy.

On a related note, if Rick O'Connell dies halfway through the second movie and we're left with the High Priest Imhotep, The Scorpion King, and The Dragon Emperor, all invincible megalomaniacs trying to control the world, who wins?

The film seems to target undemanding pre-teens, which makes sense as it also seems to have been written and directed by one. Everything is overplayed. From spending too long establishing themes and background (twenty five minute exploring how the O'Connells were bored in Oxfordshire) to lines whose poor delivery is only exceeded by the writing ('You guys are like Mummy magnets'), to a lack of attention to period detail (the Chinese paramilitary using AK-47s), almost every element of the movie grates. Even the endless stream of special effects and massive action sequences are diluted and uninvolved to the point where, when Rick O'Connell finally kills the Dragon Emperor (sorry for the spoiler), you're left to wonder if you even care. Director Rob Cohen seems to be unaware of the film's tone, being comedic one minute and dramatic the next with no effort at creating a comfortable juxtaposition.

Unfortunately, The Mummy: Rise of the Aztec is due for release sometime in 2010. I assume this has something to do with Jonathan's final comment about going someplace where there are no mummies. Namely, Peru.

But, wait, the Aztecs were...and the Incas...forget it. The sad thing is that I know I'll rent that one, too.

Rating:

• Buy it now
• Worth $10 at Costco
• Happy we rented it, but also happy we only rented it
  
• No good at any price
• That numb feeling at the top of your head? That's your cerebral cortex closing up shop

m&n

Good news...caveat emptor

Thanks to my multiple email accounts, I now know how to get cheap prescriptions, make myself more attractive to others, get a low monthly payment for no money down, buy lottery tickets online, buy discounted OEM software, get an exquisite replica watch, look younger, feel younger, be younger, claim my cash, become fit and happy again (because I'm not now), meet easy women, make my friends envy me, get cheap perfume and cologne (I'm sure they meant inexpensive), enjoy my life now (I've been postponing enjoyment for so long...), and enlarge my breasts naturally. Also, my loan has been approved AND I’m a winner!

Gotta run. I’m closing a deal that will net me 50% of $24.5 million and all I have to do is help a Congolese bank executive get the money out of his country by giving him my bank account number. This should make up for when I gave my credit card information to that guy on the phone. Both times (they always sound so legitimate!).

I LOVE the internet.

mw

"G" or "g"

Did you notice that Google changed their favicon (that little icon that shows up in your address bar) again? A few months back it went from a big “G” outlined by a blue square to a little “g” on a white field. Now, it is a little, white "g" on a multi-colored field. I wonder if this is Google's attempt at social commentary?

mw

The Queen

Our princess, four months old, has decided that being a princess is no longer good enough. In the past few weeks she has developed a queenly attitude as though she already sat on the throne. Heaven help us in 15 years, 8 months. She produces banshee-like shrieks just to let us know we're in her presence, gives extremely indignant looks when kissed without permission (just ask Grandma), and has an excellent "I'm only tolerating this because I'm so magnanimous" face. Hilarious.

She loves baths, tickles, watching her older brother do just about anything, and playing with a toy ring that serves as her crown, scepter, and orb. She also enjoys sitting on her Bumbo throne with a queenly air, yet to be caught on camera. She hates getting dressed, getting into her car seat, and being left alone.

Still, a perfect sweetheart! Love you, Ains!

"I love her best when she is asleep, and even more when she is awake."

Name that word

Every kid has funny ways of saying certain words and Caleb is no exception. As his parents, Mark and I generally know what he's talking about (but it certainly takes time to figure them out). These are some of our favorites. Any guesses?

Yourgut
Cramia
Pecuter
Hamberder

Say what?

Upon finishing his breakfast...
Caleb: My hungries are down.
Me: Your hungries are down?
Caleb: Yup, my hungries are down, but my thirsties are up!
*Gets a drink of water*
Caleb: Now my hungries and my thirsties are down!

January 21

1645: The Tonga archipelago, consisting of 171 islands stretching over 500 miles, is discovered. Lavell Edwards begins recruiting January 22.

mw

And the moral of the story is...

I found this in my files as I was cleaning my hard drive. A bit old, perhaps, and maybe a bit apocryphal, but no less depressing.mw

Hepatitis

Austyn was almost three years old when we first met her. As I recall, it was at a University of Utah basketball game. Earlier that day she had been to the doctor for her immunizations, and was very proud to tell you what they were for.

Austyn: Hepatitis.

Again, she was almost three.

Caleb is almost three himself, now. Neesha and I were wondering if he could say "hepatitis" also.

Neesha: Caleb, can you say, "hepatitis"?
Caleb: No.
Mark: Please?
Caleb: No. I don't want to say, "hepatitis".

mw

Random thoughts from the past (several) weeks...

• The older I get, the less certain I am that the events in Big Trouble in Little China actually took place.
• On the subject of ninjas, I overheard a kid in the break room talking about his karate class. Looked more like a mutant turtle than a teenage ninja, unfortunately.
• I'm being told that life expectancy has fallen. Made me wonder why people are now expecting less out of life.
• Certainties of life: death, taxes, and if you drive by one of those big, digital clocks banks put on their signs, the kind that alternate between the time and the temperature, it will be displaying whichever statistic you are not currently attempting to ascertain.
• Did North Dakota really name their state capital after a doughnut? Why aren't we that smart?
• You should start a blog so we can all not read it.
• Elly is bunny sitting for the neighbors while they are on holiday in England. This is not the exciting party game it first sounds like.
• On the subject of pet rabbits, my general impression is that they have a pretty low companionship-to-upkeep ratio. It's not that they require a lot of work, it's just that they aren't terribly engaging. That said, I like the idea of a pet you could conceivably eat if things turn sour.
• I am thinking about writing an intervention for Twitter users. It's called, Do You Really Think We Care What You Had for Lunch?
• Less-effective spousal apology: I'm sorry I did that little thing that made you totally overreact just now. (note: this knowledge is not based on personal experience; some things are just intuitive).
• Charcoal briquettes: inedible. Who knew?
• I'm pretty sure supermarket sushi is just a scam to get you to buy supermarket Maalox.

mw

'Twas the Sunday before Christmas...

Caleb: Those are my presents.
Me: Yes, those presents are yours.
Caleb: I get to open them.
Me: Yes, you can open them on Christmas morning.
Caleb: I take the paper off, and that's how I see what's inside them.
Me: Yep.
Caleb: And that's when the cars come out!

I feel bad he was pointing at a children's digital camera at the time.

mw

Review: The Dark Knight

"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself bceome the villain." Such is the theme of The Dark Knight, Christopher Nolan's sequel to Batman Begins, which pits Batman (Christian Bale) against his arch rival, The Joker (Heath Ledger).

In the original stories, The Joker is the only antagonist that seems to understand enough about the Batman identity to dissect it. He is a villain whose own trauma in life has essentially made him the spiritual opposite of Gotham's hero, resulting in a tumultuous love affair that is almost as endearing as it is wicked. Nolan rises to the opportunities presented by this relationship in his second film, something the earlier movies never did. Tim Burton's Batman was a stylized endeavor that put to great use the assets of Jack Nicholson, but it also side-skirted the essence of The Joker's being, abolishing him of his true menace in favor a more sardonic and wisecracking approach. Where Nicholson's The Joker was gripping and entertaining, Ledger absolutely takes you in and legitimately frightens you because of the way he attacks the humanity of his victims. While Nicholson was willing to kill indiscriminately in his bid for control of Gotham's streets, Ledger is much more precise, even surgical, in his efforts to inspire not only fear but chaos in those streets. The Joker's victims aren't those he physically kills as much as those left behind, forced to choose between abandoning previously vaunted morals, values, and relations and the expediency of survival.

While I have long held Darth Vader to be the greatest movie villain (having not seen Hannibal Lecter, though just having a vague understanding of the character make him my number two), The Joker moves past him easily. While a lack of empathy seems to be the trademark of many great villains, The Joker is all the more frightening since he seeks to force Gotham's citizens to betray their own feelings of empathy. Best. Movie. Villain. Ever.

Rating: conflicted. I thought it was very well done, though it's not a movie I would necessarily recommend. Neesha would rather not see it again.

Review: Finding Neverland

I am becoming a Johnny Depp fan. Captain Jack Sparrow was certainly a fun character and well played, but it is in such roles as Willy Wonka and J.M. Barrie that Depp demonstrates the range of his theatrical ability. Depp is one of the few actors who, when you watch him on the screen, you see only the character he wants you to see.

Adapted from a stage play by Allan Knee, Finding Neverland begins in 1903 with Scottish playwright J.M. Barrie (Depp) at a personal and professional crossroads. At the theater, his most recent play, Little Mary, is pronounced a failure on opening night. At home, his marriage to a social-climbing wife (Radha Mitchell) is imminent of such a judgement itself.

A chance meeting in Kensington Gardens with a widow, Sylvia Llewelyn Davies (Kate Winslet), and her four young sons opens up a deep friendship, and provides the creative ignition to Barrie's greatest work. The playwright forms a particular closeness to Peter (Freddie Highmore), the least biddable of Sylvia's boys and the one most affected by their father's recent death. It is from this terrain that we are invited to trace the roots of Peter Pan, or The Boy Who Wouldn't Grow Up.

Depp delivers a child-inside-the-man act that you expect to become annoying, but never does. He plays an awkward, rather eccentric man who springs to life in the company of children. His portrayal leaves you with the impression that Barrie's behavior is less a theatrical urge to impress the Llewelyn Davies boys than a boyish delight in pretending. This stands in strong counterpoint to Peter's beyond-his-years sobriety, which creates an "eternal boy meets actual boy" conflict that forms the dominant theme of the movie. This distincition is understood by Peter when, on the opening night of Peter Pan, he is cooed over by people who imagine him to be "the" Peter Pan and he reacts sharply, "I'm not Peter Pan. He is," pointing at Barrie. For his part, Depp's Barrie cuts an oddly disturbing figure. Passive, but intense, in him reside the pleasures, and the dangers, of innocence.

The defining experience of Barrie's own childhood was the death of his older brother David, which he felt forced him to grow up sooner than he should. From this you understand that Barrie's Pan has apparently been summoned from the ghost of his childhood rather than nostalgia for his youth. This allows for a greater appreciation of his efforts to preserve the innocence of the Llewelyn Davies boys ("Boys should never be sent to bed. Every morning they wake up one day older.") and the sorrow he feels when George, the eldest, is forced over the threshold of maturity.

Peter Pan opened in 1904, with most of the events in the movie taking place in 1903. This creates an interesting dynamic for the concept of Barrie's eternal boy, given that in ten years the Llewelyn Davies boys would be confronted with the brutalities of The Great War, making Peter Pan's line, "To die would be an awfully big adventure," particularly poignant.

George would serve as a second lieutenant in Flanders, where he died of a gunshot wound to the head in 1915. John joined the Royal Navy and served in the North Atlantic and would outlive all but his youngest brother. Peter, who served as a signal officer in France and was ultimately awarded the Military Cross, committed suicide in 1960. Michael, whose personality greatly influenced the characteristics of Peter Pan, drowned in 1921. It was acknowledged by his surviving brothers and Barrie that suicide was a possibility. Nicholas was only a year old when Peter Pan hit the stage in 1904. Coincidentally, he was not included in Finding Neverland. Nicholas would survive until 1980.

Rating:

• Buy it now
• Worth $10 at Costco
• Happy we rented it, but also happy we only rented it
  
• No good at any price
• That numb feeling at the top of your head? That's your cerebral cortex closing up shop

m&n