Day of the Ninja

This entire weekend I felt myself becoming more stealthy...more lethal. For no discernible reason I spontaneously disappeared into shadows and hurled shurikens made of paper clips. Before noon on Saturday I had already stealthily killed eleven people. So stealthily, in fact, that they weren't even aware they had been slain and were still seen walking around. I even got our mailman twice. More than ever before, I shed the mere mortal trappings of Mark Wright and became Ninja Daddy, able to sneak into sleeping children's rooms without detection.

Now I know why. December 5 was Day of the Ninja.

In honor of the event, I have attached a photo of me in my full ninja-ness.

mw

More's the pity

Neesha: *reading a headline* Huntsman proposes jolt for the economy.
Mark: Jolt? Like the energy drink?
Neesha: I don't think so.
Mark: So the governor's solution for the economy doesn't include highly-caffeinated beverages?

mw

Modern conveniences

We have a new microwave. Two weeks ago our old microwave started to turn on by itself, accompanied by a hot, electrical smell. Now, I'm not the most wild and crazy person in the world. I'd be willing to wager that no one has ever used the term "wild hair" and my name in the same sentence. However, even I can appreciate a measure of spontaneity. Just not in my kitchen appliances.

I had a little difficulty with the installation. It turns out that a height of 16.25" just isn't what it used to be. Looking back on it now, I realize my problems likely stemmed from the fact that I never donned my lucky ACE sweatshirt. What was I thinking?

So we have a new microwave. It works well, and looks much better than what was there before. I also think it goes well with our new stove, which we had to buy since one of the optional features of the old stove (namely, cooking) had stopped functioning.

The stove also goes very well with our new dishwasher, which we bought since the old one was full of rust (note: open the dishwasher when buying an existing home).

All three appliances go well with the new refrigerator we bought when we moved in, since we decided to leave ours when we sold our old place.

They also go well with the second refrigerator we bought since the first was too big to fit in the kitchen (feel free to insert your own "just right" joke here).

Unfortunately, this refrigerator does not go so well with our washer and dryer, which we bought since we included our previous machines in the sell of our old place.

I'm beginning to long for the days of wood-burning ovens and washboards.

mw

Eeeeewwwww!

While dancing with The Little Miss in the family room, her pacifier fell to the floor. Immediately, The Boy darted over and picked it up. I thought this a very sweet gesture from a kind and caring older brother...until he ran laughing into the laundry room. I ran after him in an attempt to catch him before he did whatever he was going to do (I know that laugh, and it never bodes well), and rounded the corner just in time to see him raise the lid to his potty (he has shown some signs of being ready for potty training and we started to try it out before we realized that potty training during the Holidays was a bad idea) and throw it in.

I don't think any amount of sanitizing will let me put this back in The Girl's mouth.

mw

That joke kills at my house

Caleb: What comes after 12?
Mark: What?
Caleb: Clock! *laughs uproariously*

mw

10,000 out-of-work economists, and they pick this guy

This morning I listened to a financial analyst give his projection on the economy. Perhaps it was his use of the term "money heaven" that turned me off on him. But it occurred to me that it might be nice if he had some understanding of economics (e.g., credit vs. velocity, which he confused) before announcing on national television that things were going to get a lot worse before getting any better.

mw

Right on track

In The West Wing, Amy Gardner is at a banquet hosted by the First Lady honoring the accomplishments of influential women in the Democratic party. Mrs. Bartlett introduces Amy, who just started the table cloth on fire by knocking over a candle after misjudging the angle to her wine glass, with the line, "…and Amelia Garndner, who has had six jobs in seven years." I can empathize. I have never started a table on fire. Nor am I an influential woman in the Democratic party. I do have a new job, which brings my total to four companies in four years.

Technically, only three companies, since as of November 24 I am again an employee of Convergys. This time I am an internal consultant, focusing on business development. If you wonder why I left Four Points, which was a great experience play, Monday night I came home and rocked out to Trans-Siberian Orchestra with The Boy and The Queen while Neesha made dinner and there was no place I would have rather been.

mw

FHE: Thanksgiving

Tonight's Family Home Evening lesson was on Thanksgiving. Anyone want to guess which of the below were Caleb's?
Family
New job
Cars
Scriptures
Repentance
White car
Holidays
Health
Balloon
Good kids
Education
Blanky
Sleep
Five interceptions
Spike
Hot baths
Atonement
Teddy Bear
President Monson
Service
Grandma and Grandpa
Enough to eat
Music
Boppa and Diyah
Good books
Ability to work
More cars

m&n (+ Caleb)

You keep using that word...

I passed through a group talking in the hallway while walking to my office. I don't know what they were talking about, but I overheard this line.

Strange looking guy (not me): Dude, you're getting older. The synopsis in your brain isn't working anymore.

Funny on so many levels.

mw

Random thoughts from this past week

• I didn't post any random thoughts last week. Guess that means every thought I had was rational and logical. Be afraid.
  
• What is the sheer tonnage of bacon that has been boiled across the U.S.A. since the theatrical release of Better Off Dead?
• I didn't bring lunch today since we are having a budget working session and the CFO usually buys. Forgot the meeting was in Austin and I was dialing in.
• Bought lunch at the Fresh Aire [sic] Cafe on the second floor instead. Ordered the barbecue bacon cheeseburger. What I imagine used batteries taste like.
• Jocularity is a funny word. I wonder if they meant it that way.
  
• Coming up on the seven-hour mark of our five-hour review and I think the general manager is trying to explain how she can save me money on my car insurance. Somehow, this doesn't strike me as odd.
• I wonder how quickly divorce papers would be served if I took up the banjo.
• It's been two days and I've sat through nineteen hours of budget presentations and filtered through 2.3GB of bad forecasts that don't tie. We're only half done. There must be an intervention for this sort of thing.
• The trouble with being my age is that sometimes, for no reason at all, you get "Ice, Ice Baby" stuck in your head.

mw

To which I have no response

Me: Caleb, you need to drink your milk before you get down.
Caleb: I have a bumblebee in my mouth.

*blink, blink*

mw

Review: Get Smart

Comedies are a hard genre to recommend, one way or the other. What makes one person laugh out loud may be considered dull and prosaic by someone else. Hence the phrase, "Comedy is funny business." Get Smart is a pretty tame affair. With the exception of a few slapstick gags, most of the jokes are done deadpan with a sort of melancholy delivery that would have made Chaplin proud.

Steve Carrel stars as Maxwell Smart, a secret agent for CONTROL, who, along with Agent 99 (Anne Hathaway), attempts to stop the evil organization KAOS from taking over the world. Not much of a plot, but the movie is meant as escapist comedy, not social commentary...I hope. Carrel's version of Max Smart is less bumbling and more inexperienced than Don Adams, and his dry delivery of Smart cliches (e.g., "Sorry about that, Chief," "Missed it by that much," and "Would you believe?") turn them more into throw away lines than memorable catch phrases. This characterizes most of the movie, which gives due respect to the original television series without attempting to be a direct imitation of it.

If you are not familiar with the Get Smart of the 1960s, or if you are a die-hard purist, you likely will not enjoy the movie. Even if those don't apply to you, you still may not enjoy the movie. After all, "comedy is a funny business."

Neesha's favorite line:
"Bomb didn't go off."
"Oh, really, bright eyes? What alerted you? Was it not the boom-boom or the lack of a mushroom cloud?"
"It was the mushroom cloud for me."
Mark's favorite line:
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"I don't know. Were you thinking, "Holy shoot, holy shoot, a swordfish almost went through my head?" If so, then yes."
Caleb's favorite line:
"Too bad about all the dead movie stars."
"Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice?"
Ainsley's favorite line: "Okay, not to keep dwelling on this, but that was some kiss. How did you know that would work? Have you kissed other men who then plummeted to their deaths? "

Rating:

• Buy it now
• Worth $10 at Costco
• Happy we rented it, but also happy we only rented it
  
• No good at any price
• That numb feeling at the top of your head? That's your cerebral cortex closing up shop

m&n

Random thoughts from this past week

• Has Bob Ross ever taken longer than 24 minutes to complete a painting?
• Danny Elfman is composing for the American Ballet Theater. Yes, that Danny Elfman. I want tickets.
• You have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool Mark Wright. Seriously, it gets me every time. Why are you up so early?
• Shredded way too much cheese for our dinner tonight. If you or someone you love needs shredded cheese, contact me IMMEDIATELY.
• Dear NPR: I will give everyone on your staff a dollar if you stop saying "anti-war protesters." No one is protesting anti-war.
• Just saw a commercial while watching the Alabama-LSU game where cows roam through an office building, turning on lights in various offices and it reminded me of something that happened at work. I need a new career.
• I wish my office network were a person so I could stab it to death with a rusty spoon.
• Drove past a hot chocolate stand charging $1 a cup. I think Exxon was the corporate sponsor.

mw

I stand corrected

Me: Caleb, you can't sit on the counter. You need to sit on the stool. You know that.
Caleb: No, I need to push those three buttons. You know that.

Hate it when he plagiarizes.

mw

From this morning's photoshoot

m&n

He's two, people

He's been spelling his name for several months, now, but it still amazes me. I stepped out of the bathroom this morning for a minute. This is what I found when I came back.

mw

Sweet

m&n

Letter to Senator McCain's aides

I was not excited by your selection of Governor Palin to be Senator McCain's vice president. My personal view, all joking aside and no animosity intended, was that she was not qualified to assume the role of commander-in-chief in the event her octogenarian running mate didn't survive the stress of leading the free world which, as a thought, wasn't exactly outside the realm of possibility. That is not meant as a commentary on any other aspect of her life, abilities, or personality.

Now, having said that...

I find it interesting that you are now attempting to pin the loss of the election on Governor Palin. You, who were responsible for crafting and running the McCain campaign. Despite not agreeing with some of her political views, this bothers me.

Governor Palin is who she is. She did not become more intelligent, or less so, during her nine week involvement with the campaign. During this time she did not become more qualified, or less so, to set the tone for the nation's domestic policy or to guide our country through an economic crisis, a health care crisis, an educational crisis, and a moral crisis. She also did not become more or less experienced in foreign policy, in bringing two long-running wars to an end, and in repairing our relationships with everyone we've upset over the past eight years (which, if you're keeping count, includes just about everyone outside the state of Texas and a couple counties in northern Idaho).

Yet, now, this same woman, pulled from relative obscurity and introduced to the nation as the next great vice president, is being maligned as an incompetent diva by you, the very people responsible for elevating her to the national spotlight. Whether or not grounds exist for such accusations is a point open to argument, but it is not the point in question, which is that you picked her. You. She didn't get the RNC drunk and surprise everyone the next morning. Nine weeks ago you put your arm around her, looked the country in the eye, and said there was no one in the country more qualified to serve as Vice President of the United States. She hasn't changed in the past two months. Only your story has.

For you to imply Governor Palin was responsible for Senator McCain losing the election 364 -163 (Missouri is still outstanding) suggests you are out of touch with reality, demonstrates an unwillingness to accept responsibility, assumes most people are ignorant enough to believe whatever they are told, and is characterized by a lack of integrity. Interestingly, those are the same criticisms made of the White House specifically for the past eight years, and of the Republican party generally for the past two.

Senator McCain's concession speech was pure class. That was the man I would have voted for in 2000 had he won the Republican nomination. That is who I hope would have been president had he won the general election this week. And that is who I hope he becomes again in the wake of his defeat, as opposed to the stranger you turned him into for the past eleven months. It is a pity you were able to change him more than he was able to change you.

mw

A finely-honed machine am I

In the past month:

• The Boy: two colds and three bouts of vomiting
• Ainsley: only one cold, but the poor thing has only been alive for seven weeks
• Neesha: two colds and one husband
• This guy: um...he's not well, but his candidate was just elected president
• Me: nothing. I am superhuman.

mw

Decision 2008

I look forward to the presidential elections. Almost as much as I look forward to the end of the campaigns. Though tonight, it would have been nice if the drama had been drawn out a bit longer. NBC seems caught off guard by how quickly Decision 2008 was decided and isn't quite certain what to do with the next three hours of programming. Right now, I think Brian Williams is missing Tim Russert.

In the end, Senator Obama is the President Elect. And there was much rejoicing (my last jab at Governor Palin).

m&n

While getting ready for church this morning...

Neesha: You are a good looking Caleb.
The Boy: And you a good looking mommy!

mw

Happy Halloween

m&n

Do it for Florida (should be a bumpersticker)

Received the following in the mail today.

Those poor Floridians (not to be confused with flouridians or midi-chlorians). I didn't realize they had so much as at stake. Had I but known...

Senator McCain's campaign has taught me that there are two people you should vet extensively for competency: the VP and the mail boy.

mw

Random thoughts from this past week

• Pacifiers and caps to root beer bottles - both useful items. Not interchangeable.
• Facebook is the social revolution that allows you to be friends with people who wouldn't give you the time of day in high school.
• We recently had a Halloween party at work and I understand (no, I didn't go) one of the door prizes was a case of bottled water. Frank Herbert, you are a prophet.
• There is an appalling number of people in the world not eating a doughnut right now. Mainly because I'm one of them.
  
• I ate all of our good Halloween candy this past week with no guilt. I grew up choking down pillowcases of Tootsie Rolls, Jolly Ranchers, and Smarties. I consider it my turn.
• It's been 15 years, and Radiohead's "Creep" and Beck's "Loser" still seem to resonate with me. Why is that?
• At what point does Senator McCain pull out of the last three states he is still campaigning in and spend the remnants of his war chest on Metamucil?
• Governor Palin is purportedly contending to be the new face of the Republican Party in the event they lose on Nov. 4. Her opposition includes John Cleese, Tina Fey, and Joe the Plumber.

mw

To Tiffany's point...

Yes, we are LDS.
Yes, we are a family.
Yes, we carved pumpkins this week.

Well, pumpkin, actually, and a rather diminutive one at that. However, when asked if he wanted one of the larger ones, Caleb's response was, "No. That too heavy." Since I was carrying the pumpkins, it makes me wonder at his opinion of my abilities.

mw

We named it Steve

"I wouldn't be so afraid of it if I just knew what it was called."
"Let's call it 'Steve'."
"Steve?"
"It's a nice name."
"Yeah, I'm much less afraid of 'Steve'."

I started with pruning the peach tree.

Our new home came with a very productive and woefully neglected peach tree that looked like it hadn't been pruned since Moses first planted it. Saturday morning I grabbed my pruning saw, my pruners, my Boy, and my wife's gardening gloves and went to work. The only problem was that on the one side, there was an overgrown rose bush with foot-long thorns that made it hazardous to prune that half of the tree. After reaching around it for ten minutes or so, I decided it would easier to simply prune the rose bush, then finish the tree. Well, I got a bit aggressive on the pruning of the bush and left about one inch sticking above the ground.

Had that been the whole story, Steve never would have come into being. However, as I was...um..."pruning" the rose bush, a neighboring rose bush kept poking me. Deliberately. Enough so that, when explaining my ensuing actions to Neesha, the phrase "It kind of pissed me off, really," was my sole justification. Seven rose bushes, one shrub shaped like a flying saucer, one ugly tree, two very dusty bushes, and prunings from five other trees later, Steve was born.

mw

A man should be able to...

Hold a newborn baby. Psychologists tell us that babies are born with two natural fears while all others are learned: falling, and loud noises. As such, newborns should be wrapped tightly and held against the chest. They like tight spaces and rhythmic movements, so tuck them snugly in the crook of your elbow or neck. Rock back and forth like you're bored without getting too crazy with the hips. Imagine how relaxed you would be riding Space Mountain without a restraining bar, and you get the idea. Your motion should be more subtle, somewhat reminiscent of your days as a Jr. High wallflower. No one has to notice except the baby. Don't breathe all over them.

mw

Keyword: spam

Those of you who use a Gmail account have probably noticed that Google will feature an article over your messages based on keywords it finds within those messages. For a pay-per-click model like Google, it's a brilliant idea. For me, it's an annoyance, though I must confess I have followed the link a time or two. However, I believe Google needs to work on their keyword optimization when users are emptying their spam folder. A sampling from the last five minutes:

• Spam quiche - makes four servings (I don't know that I can think of four people I dislike enough to
• Spam breakfast burritos - serve with salsa (if you are wondering what type of salsa see the next item)
• Spam salsa (I wouldn't have thought this was chemically possible)
• Spicy spam kabobs (I know I'm alone in considering shish kabobs an overhyped, underperforming food served at barbecues, but surely we can agree on this one?)
  
• Vineyard spam salad (does this mean it is best enjoyed *cough, cough* with an exquisite Pinot Noir or Merlot? Probably for the best, if so)
  
• Ginger spam salad (not quite sure if 'ginger' is used as a noun here, refering to the spice, or as an adverb, describing how it should be eaten)
  
• Savory spam crescents (I've always wondered at recipes whose titles tell you how wonderful they are)
• French fry spam casserole (the combination of two questionably edible substances: spam and the French)
• Spam vegetable strudel (I like strudel and consider it the best thing the Hapsburgs ever did for Western civilization after codifying inbreeding, but I think this has forever scarred our relationship)
• Spam veggie pita pockets (best thing since they put spam in your pocket...just not the same)
• Spam hashbrown bake (okay, this one actually sounds kind of good, but only if you cover it with maply syrup)
• Spam skillet casserole (and the win streak ends at...well...one)
• Spam Swiss pie (nuts, and I already used the edible joke on the French)

And the list goes on, but my train is about to arrive. If you get bored, go to your spam folder in your Gmail account. Good times.

mw

Random thoughts from this past week

• If people who stood in the middle of the aisle talking on their cell phone, oblivious to all around them trying to get around them, were a race, would genocide be such a bad thing?
• The makers of Viagra, Cialis, and other such drugs caution that if the effects of their product are observed for more than four hours, you should call the doctor. I'd pay good money to listen in on one of those conversations.
• On second thought, no; no I wouldn't.
• Cuil is a new internet search engine. Think more Google than Yahoo!. I don’t think it’ll catch on. Turns out people would rather Google themselves than Cuil themselves.
• The BCS is to football what Paris Hilton is to Audrey Hepburn.
• Candidate campaign speeches with one month left to go: grab your digital thought-a-day calendar and turn it to "shuffle mode".
• I'm going to start announcing my daily accomplishments via SMS. 160 characters, including spaces, will be ample.
• McCain strategists recently revealed that they had a response had Obama elected to pursue his rumored 50-state strategy. I wonder if they called it their 13-colony strategy?
  
• AP headline: "Stocks Plunge Drastically Downward". These guys must be paid by the word.
• Having one of my rare good hair days. Please try to see me before I move.

mw

And now for something completely different

Back when Senator McCain picked Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate, all I kept reading in headlines was "McCain picks Palin." I thought it kind of an odd choice that raised a lot of questions distracting to the campaign. For instance, why not John Cleese? It wasn't until I had a moment to actually read one of these articles that I discovered that Sarah Palin was the Republican nominee for veep, not Michael Palin, at which point I thought it kind of an odd choice that raised a lot of questions distracting to the campaign.

Several weeks, one debate, and four Katie Couric interviews later, Governor Palin decided to appear on SNL. Yes, the same SNL that had, with cameo appearances from Tina Fey, been lampooning her for the past several weeks. Maybe he picked the comedian after all? Truly, nobody expects the Alaskan politician.

mw

Things we've learned after one month

She loves to have her hair washed.
She doesn't like taking a bath.
She loves riding in the Baby Bjorn against Mommy's chest.
She doesn't like the sling Mommy made for her.
She likes it when Daddy sings I Will by The Beatles. She is also a fan of Billy Joel and Pearl Jam.
She doesn't like Elton John.
Elmer's Glue is great for sticking cute, little bows in her hair.
Elmer's Glue is not so hot at keeping her pacifier in her mouth.
She likes her bouncer, but not the cradle. The crib is tolerable.
Little girls are just as sweet as little boys.

m&n

Pack's Pumpkin Patch

m&n

Um...checkmate?

Ego? What ego? pt. II

Monday's child is fair of face.
Tuesday's child is full of grace.
Wednesday's child is full of woe.
Thursday's child has far to go.
Friday's child is loving and giving.
Saturday's child works hard for his living.
But a child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blythe, and good and gay.

It's an old nursery rhyme. I don't remember how it came up, but Neesha was reciting it yesterday morning, which made us wonder where our family members fit into the mix. Caleb was a Sunday child, and Ainsley was a Tuesday baby. These were easy enough for us both to remember, but we had to pull up the computer's calendar to see on which days of the week Neesha (Friday in 1981) and I (Wednesday in 1979) were born.

Neesha: Were you born in 1980 or 2099?
Mark: Huh?
Neesha: The calendar only goes back to 1980, then jumps to 2099. I guess that means you are older than the computer can calculate.

Wednesday's child, indeed.

mw

Ego? What ego?

I normally sleep in a pair of blue basketball shorts and a t-shirt with the John Maynard Keynes quote, "In the long run, we are all dead" on the back which I won at a WSU economics party {insert nerd jokes here}. I share this with you to deepen our relationship and to explain why this morning, when I woke to the first snow of the season, I was looking for additional clothing to wear before I went downstairs with The Boy. What I found was an old pair of tan pajamma pants and my lucky ACE sweatshirt, light gray. The story behind the pajamma pants is that they are about two inches too short in the legs and about ten inches too wide in the waist. Similarly, the sweatshirt is two inches too short in the trunk and the sleeves, but is too small across the shoulders.

Me: I look kind of funny.
Neesha: Mark, nothing you have on right now fits you.
Me: What do you expect? It's hard to fit my amazing physique.

*long pause; longer than appropriate, if you ask me*

Neesha: You do have an amazing physique.

mw

What's for dinner (with all apologies to Tiffany)?

Upon changing one of Caleb's diapers...

Me: What have you been eating?
Caleb: I no eat poop!

Reassuring to know his mother feeds him well.

mw

He doesn't know any better, but still...

This morning The Boy curled up in my lap while I tried to start catching up on the blog. After sitting quietly for some time...

The Boy: This is my daddy.
Me: Yes, I am. I am so glad to be your daddy.

*pause*

The Boy: You're a good daddy.
Me: *trying to be tough and not get choked up*

mw

Blogging the vice presidential debate

I don't know why they still have vice-presidential debates. It seems the measure of success here is trying to get "people to choose between the lesser of who cares; of setting the bar so low you can barely trip over it."

Having said that, this year's debate did have two twists in it. After the train wreck that was her series of interviews with Katie Couric (you can see them on YouTube - good times), I do not think it was possible for Governor Palin to lose anymore credibility. To make things more interesting, Neesha and I were also listening to the Utah-Oregon State football game. As such, some of the random thoughts I had below during the debate may be a bit confused.

• We're thirty minutes into this thing and I'm coming to realize that neither of the candidates are going to talk about themselves, only their running mates. The result is that this is likely to be a 90 minute "My father/pa could beat up you father/pa."
• Forgive me for being a snob, but why can't these debates have a simple Lincoln-Douglas structure? The format they are using doesn't leave room to say anything except sound bites from their stump speeches. Make that Obama's and McCain's stump speeches.
• I wonder if Governor Palin has read McCain's stump speech? Perhaps she just saw it here (mental note: never speak in front of a blue screen).
  
• Governor Palin is doing much better than I expected after I what I saw in her interviews. However, the first several sentences of each of her responses remind me of a tour guide, announcing the same dates over and over again. She struggles, though, as she moves from prepared facts to vague platitudes, though she skips the analysis well.
• Brian Johnson (Utah's QB) just threw an interception that Oregon State returned 26 yards for a touchdown. You know, if it wasn't for our offense, we'd have a pretty good defense.
  
• Happily, Oregon State muffed the kick-off coverage on that one, allowing two remarkable feats for Utah's return team: first, David Reed caught the ball and held on to it and, second, he returned it 79 yards to the OSU 15-yard line.
• Senator Biden's grin is largely reminscent of a morning talk-show host. I wonder if Al Roker would like to be vice president?
• Utah just had to settle for a field goal after starting a drive on the other guy's 15-yard line. What do Andy Ludwig and the Bush administration have in common? Neither one knows how to finish an offensive series.
  
• Senator Biden just gave a completely unambiguous answer on gay rights. I had to check to make certain I was still watching the debate. Whatever your position, its nice to hear a straight answer. As an aside on the follow-up questions, if you have to announce that you are tolerant of gays, that's a good indication that you aren't.
  
• Did Governor Palin really just do a shout out to her brother's third grade class? I can just see her and her nifty eye wear on the floor at the UN Security Council asking Israel for a holler back.
• I'm pretty sure Senator Biden is playing Sudoku while Governor Palin is speaking.
• Johnson just got sacked again. I think Governor Palin can empathise.
  
• "Well gee whiz golly-darn rootin' tooin' yeehaw doggone bless-your-heart shucks there, Gwen. I ... uh, what was the question?" Some of Governr Palin's responses taste more of hayseed than of substance.
  
• "Dick Cheney is the most dangerous vice president this country has ever had!" Clearly, Senator Biden is overlooking Aaron Burr. He actually killed the guy he shot.
• "We're gonna learn from the mistakes of this administration in our administration." It's a little disheartening to discover that they haven't yet learned those lessons, that it's just something on the honey-do list.
• Why is Oregon State even in this game? Oh, yeah...Johnson spotted them two touchdowns.
  
• I thought it odd that Governor Palin started giving her closing statement with over twenty minutes to go. Turns out she knew what she was doing. This debate is pulling a The Lord of the Rings by dedicating 45% of its time to ending the story with 14 false endings.
  

In the end, this vice presidential debate was the same as every other. I still have not fully made up my mind as to which candidate I want for president, but I definitely know who I do not want for vice president.

mw

Got milk?

Me: Caleb, you need to finish your milk before you get down from the table.
Caleb: I did.

* I point to a full glass of milk by his plate*

Caleb: Oh, that milk?

*stares at it for a second*

Caleb: Is that the milk we're talking about?

mw

Wright offspring

Over the past two weeks several people have commented on how different Caleb and Ainsley look. What do you think?

v. 1.0
v. 2.0m&n

Miss Ainsley

I apologize for posting this so late, though my guess is that everyone understands. We realized we were running late on announcing the good news when Brandy's sisters congratulated us by commenting on Kath's blog. For those of you who don't know, that means my sister-in-law's sisters said congratulations on my sister's web site (you all know I enjoyed the exercise in plural versus possessive there).

On September 16, 2008 at 9:44 p.m. Ainsley Elaine Wright (to be known hereafter in the annals of M&N as 'Little Miss') joined our family. This after nine months of labor going on twelve. She was 21 inches long and weighed in at a healthy 7 pounds and 1 ounce and came equipped with a fully-functioning set of lungs.

The addition was made extra special that first afternoon when The Boy came by with Grandma and Grandpa to see his new baby sister. The two siblings exchanged gift with each other (he gave her a ring-type thing that she can shake, she gave him an official, Lightning McQueen race car; please see below for a visual of joy). As he was leaving, The Boy came back in the room to give me a hug, and then paused and gave The Queen a kiss and said, "I love you, baby."
Welcome to the family, Little Miss.

m&n

At least I'm safe fromt the Mark of the Beast

In the television series The West Wing Toby Ziegler explains that many times it is the little things in life which, when taken from us, cause us the greatest consternation. Granted, his comment was in context of Mad Cow Disease being found in American cattle herds, but this week I understand what he means.

The '6' key on my keyboard is starting to not work. While I have never given consideration to which number on the keyboard is the least useful to me, I know the six

Here are a list of items I am having great difficulty entering:

• Ainsley's birthday (to add her to the insurance)
  
• Caleb's birthday (to confirm him as a dependent)
  
• My bank account number (to pay bills)
  
• Either credit card number (to buy things I don't really need)
  
• Various PINs (various reasons)
  
• My social security number (to check my credit history)
• Various account numbers, including our mortgage and all of our utilities (to pay bills)
  
• My street address (various reasons)
  
• My phone number (various reasons)
  
• Neesha's phone number (various reasons)
  
• And, of course, there is always the Mark of the Beast. Not that this last has presented any issues to date, but you never know.

mw

Ode to the semicolon

The semicolon has long been my favorite punctuation mark, so you can imagine my delight when I found this article, courtesy of SPOGG, as a sort of prelude to National Punctuation Day.

mw

This train of thought was derailed at the station

Caleb: Hey, mommy?
Neesha: Yes?

*pause*

Caleb: What?

mw

Episode II

Me: Are you going to watch the Republican Convention tonight?
Chris: No. Laura wants to watch Attack of the Clones.
Me: So you are the watching the convention, then?

(lost in the moment was that someone actually wanted to watch Episode II who had presumably seen it before)

mw

They are on a first name basis

Neesha: Time for prayer, Caleb.
Caleb: Hey, Father in Heaven.

m&n

What else would you use a couch for?

We had a new sofa and loveseat delivered this past week. For those of you who don't know, to a two-year-old boy couches double as a piece of furniture you can sit on.

Caleb: (Upon noticing the new furniture) We have new couches.

*considered pause turning into enlightenment*

Caleb: I can drive my cars on them!

*after getting bored watching the dining table being put together*

Caleb: I'm going to go use my couches.

m&n

Biden: His Time (I couldn't resist)

This morning I was going through the headlines while listening to SPOGG's grammatically incorrect playlist.

Mark: Oh, crap!
Neesha: What?
Mark: Obama picked Biden.

Paul McCartney: "Live and let die!"

We didn't receive the text message, but I imagine it ended, "Not the best. Not the worst. Just what we're stuck with." Can't be a good sign.

mw

At the grocery store...

Neesha: Caleb, whiney boys don't get suckers in the car.
Caleb: Mommy! I want to whine!

mw

When you're up, you're up...

Me: Okay, Bug. Time for nu-night. Your one minute is up.
Caleb: No. My one minute is down.

mw

Summer photo session

We took Caleb Downtown for a late-summer photo shoot. We had intended to do it earlier in the year but between broken bones and new homes it was pushed back a bit. This year The Boy wasn't cooperative in terms of sitting still, looking at the camera, or smiling, so we only have a couple to share. In fact, the one photo that looks like he is smiling is actually him singing his ABCs and was taken the next morning in our backyard.

Oh, well. It was a fun evening.

m&n

Review: I Am Legend

In I AM LEGEND, Will Smith joins the ranks of Vincent Price (in 1964's THE LAST MAN ON EARTH) and Charlton Heston (in 1971's OMEGA MAN) as the star of an adaptation of Richard Matheson's 1954 novel of the same name. Often surprising in its focus on loneliness and loss, this thoughtful, eerie, and.What do Will Smith, Vincent Price (The Last Man on Earth), and Charlton Heston (Omega Man) all have in common? Richard Matheson's 1954 horror classic I Am Legend.

The plot is simple enough. A medical scientist that moonlights as an Emma Thompson look alike develops the cure for cancer by engineering the measles virus to attack cancerous cells. Unfortunately the virus mutates and kills 90% of Earth's population while mutating 9% into zombies that feed upon the flesh of the 1% who are immune. As military scientist Robert Neville, Will Smith is the lone survivor in New York City. Immune to the virus in both its airborne and contact forms, Neville searches for a cure as he wanders Manhattan, Times Square, and the Flatiron District with his dog, Sam.

While I Am Legend is based on a horror story (flesh-eating zombies, and all), the horror element is simply the vehicle to carry the story. In this regard, it suffers from the same flaw as Signs, namely, an audience unable to see beyond the trappings. Robert Neville's efforts to save humanity in its physical form parallels his own struggles to maintain his own humanity(witness Shrek, Bob Marley, and the video store). This becomes particularly poignant after he is forced to strangle Sam, his lone companion for three years, after she (Sam is short for Samantha) becomes infected with the virus. The movie is often surprising in its focus on loneliness and loss as it shows Neville haunted by memories of his family leaving quarantined Manhattan two years prior. While not exactly Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch, Smith delivers a solid and convincing performance in a movie that basically amounts to a 90-minute soliloquy.
Rating:

• Buy it now
• Worth $10 at Costco
• Happy we rented it, but also happy we only rented it
  
• No good at any price
• That numb feeling at the top of your head? That's your cerebral cortex closing up shop

m&n

A future groupie

I was working on my lesson for tomorrow when Caleb came up, sat on my lap, and asked to listen to some music. I turned on "Interstate Love Song" by the Stone Temple Pilots. If you are not familiar, the opening transitions from a mellow beginning to a more aggressive guitar line.

Caleb: Oh, I like that one.

mw

Stupid crayons

After struggling to get a particular crayon out of its box:

Caleb: Stupid crayons.

Kind of embarassing. Kind of funny.

mw

Grammar advice for the school year

A posting from our good friends at SPOGG that warrants reprinting.

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used unless you don't want to seem too formal.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not always apropos.
13. Do not use more words, phrases, sentences, or other linguistic elements than you, yourself, actually really and definitely need to use or employ when expressing yourself or otherwise giving voice to what you may or may not be thinking when you are trying to say how many words you should use or not use when using words.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, i.e. etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill excessive exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others elude to them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Eliminate distracting quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson is said to have once remarked, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

mw

Good things come...

It took a long time to find a place we were willing to make an offer on. It took a long time to get that offer accepted. It took a long time until the previous owners moved out and we were able to move in. It took a long time to meet with the title company, courtesy of American Airlines. And, of course, it took a long time to sign the papers.

But we're in.

The inside of the home has a distinct pink hue throughout and, well, we're not exactly pink people - or popcorn people for that matter - no matter what everyone in the ward says. Therefore, inside shots will be forthcoming, but only as part of a before and after set.

Thank you to everyone (Randy, Ryan, Adam, Keira, Mike, Brandy, Dad) who helped us move out of the townhome and into a storage shed. Thank you to Mom and Dad who let us live with them in far off Elysium (read: Enterprise) for a month while we were waiting for the previous owners to move out. And thank you to everyone (Dad, Mom, Mike, Simon, Randy, Joyce, Adam, Keira, and Talena - Ryan bugged out on us, saying he had to serve a mission or some such thing) who helped us move from a storage shed into a home.

m&n

Five more payments and this baby is mine!

During a pleasant jog through downtown this past week I was stopped at an intersection. There, I watched a balding and...um...unfortunately large...well, okay he was fat...man with a greasy mullet (yes, balding with a mullet) in a skin tight, yellow polo shirt riding a skate board and looking so much like a beached, yellow whale being wheeled out to sea.

It made me wonder: have I sufficiently invested for my mid-life crisis?

mw

Commuter Rail: The Continuing Adventures

Sometimes I feel like I live in one of those books from the Choose Your Own Adventure series. I read one while I was in elementary school. As I recall, each time I came to a crucial decision ("To make a decision that will lead to certain death, turn to page 97; otherwise, turn to page 38"). Silly me, I always chose page 97 even though I new it would result in my character puncturing his environmental suit on a rock and collapsing in convulsions as the toxic atmosphere of the planet Xarx devoured his flesh.

On Tuesday I left the office at 5:30 with the intent of catching the 5:40 Trax. This is a four minute trip, so I stopped by the restroom on the way. Two minutes later, I was out of the restroom and standing at the elevator when I happened to glance out the window that looks down on Main Street and saw the train already there - five minutes early. I frantically pushed the button to the elevator, and once inside started jumping up and down in the box trying to get it to go down even faster, all the while cursing myself for having dried my hands after I washed them in the restroom (I could have used the extra weight). To no avail. In my head, I heard, "If you choose to use the restroom and so miss your train and get stuck at your office for another 45 minutes, turn to page 97."

Now, I like my job, but we have an I-like-you-but-want-to-spend-as-little-time-with-you-as-possible relationship. Kind of like some of my dance dates in high school. That being the case, I didn't really feel inclined to go back up stairs, but at the same time didn't want to waste the time just waiting for the next bus and I didn't trust myself in Sam Wellers across the street. Ultimately, though, I wanted to get home and see my family. So, I cinched up the strap on my brief case, untucked my shirt from my slacks, and started running. Fifteen minutes later I reached the Frontrunner station. My pride forces me to insert here that I beat the Trax.

Enter Wednesday evening. I left my office at 6:00 with the intent of catching the 6:10 train. Again, I stopped by the restroom on the way. Again, the train arrived five minutes early and I jumped up and down in the elevator trying to make it go faster. Again, I missed the train. Again, I ran, though this time I caught the traffic lights better so did it in ten minutes. See page 97 for details.

Thursday I left the office at 4:55 to catch the 5:10 train. I ran down the hall, passing the restroom, still jumped up and down in the elevator, and ran across the lobby and to the Gallivan Plaza station.

The train was late by five minutes.

mw

It's not about age, it's about skill level

Chris: Do you read?
Me: A bit.
Chris: I mean books.
Me: Um, yeah. Got ya' covered.
Chris: You know, it wasn't until I started reading real books that I realized comic books suck.
*pause*
Me: Ya' think?

mw